I've been single for more than a year now...the break up was hard, but I never thought that after a year it would be even harder. Everything I read said that after a certain number of months you would start forgetting about what you had and why you loved the relationship so much, and also that you would think more of the negatives and not the positives, yeah did I think about the negatives and that it was a good thing we broke up? Of course! But, as time went on I would remember why I fought so hard for us...
What is it with that one guy that can have such a massive effect on a women?
After the breakup, like most couples do, we said our goodbyes and promised to keep in touch. But what does keeping in touch really mean? To me it meant being there for one another in a time of need, but also keeping our space from one another because you know we were broken up, but for us space wasn't just walk a different way to class or go to different clubs when you go out. Space meant 1200 miles...
That was our downfall.
Seeing each other every three months for a week and spending every single second together, then bam, those 1200 miles were between us again. I spent everyday thinking about him, well mostly every second, because he wasn't here, he wasn't a drive away, he was a day away...literally, 24 hours.
Now that we're broke up I feel that 1200 miles has gotten bigger. Remember the whole we'll still talk thing? Yeah, that never happened...I waited and waited, looking at my phone everyday wondering if there was some sort of miracle, but I was highly disappointed.
The first time we talked was May 6...seven months after the breakup...his birthday.
I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life. I wrote and rewrote that cheesy "Happy Birthday!" text more times then I probably want to admit. I was so mad at him for not texting me over those seven months, but I wanted to be happy because I as finally getting to talk to him. The one person who understand me and put a smile on my face.
It was a short conversation, but it was good...what I needed to get me through, until my birthday, which was in July.
I kept holding on to that one glimpse of hope that he would text me saying this was a huge mistake, but what was I thinking? He probably already had another girl blowing up his phone and was on the road to recovery. Of course July rolled around and I got the text, the text I had been waiting for. Just seeing his name on my phone with "iMessage" underneath it put the biggest smile on my face. That's all I needed...
After my birthday it was the occasional, "Hey how are you?" you know that sort of crap. Don't get me wrong it was meaningful, to me at least. I just wish I knew what was going on in that emotionless mind of his.
Later in the year the texts kept coming more frequently and the conversations kept getting longer and I got more and more confused on what was happening. I mean talking on and off all day and also snap chatting had my head spinning.
And that leads us to today...sitting in my bed going out of my mind crazy waiting for this guy who I haven't physically seen in more than a year to pop up on my phone. Why does he still have such a huge effect on my life? Is it because he was my first love, the one I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with?
How do you ever get over that one guy who had you believing life could never get any better without him...
How can you say your single when your still in love with the man of your dreams?
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